Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
