So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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