Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
