bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize