Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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