Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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