i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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