It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
nutella sex= disaster
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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