I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
