my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
