Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
