I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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