I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
