Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
