I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
