doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
