I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
