Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
