its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
