we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize