New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
