i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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