Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
