You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
