So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
worst night to have a conscience
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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