You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
