I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize