I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
