and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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