It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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