also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
