Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
