Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i out mim tonsoeep
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