So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
