Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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