Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
