i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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