the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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