I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
