shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
