I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
