Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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