I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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