it's too hot outside to masturbate.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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