"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
