Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he was CRYING into my vagina
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
