And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
false alarm, still single
Randomize
