If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize