a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
