I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She announced her abortion via fbk
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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