Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
birth control should be required to get into college
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
