at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
