like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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