I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
