we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
