So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
