Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
