3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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