____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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