It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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