How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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