I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
