I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
