I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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