At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
