I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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