I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
