I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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