Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
