This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
