I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
