Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
