What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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