Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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