apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
