Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
