You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize