I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
