is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize