you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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