dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
