Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
