She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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