I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
sex in a hospital.. check
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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