yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
