dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
