we have officially lost it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
