I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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