god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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