when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
