but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
