we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
