How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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