He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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